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Imus defined us as a society

I’m warning you.There is a high probability that some of you may take great offense to what I’m about to say. It may make you angry, confused, and uncomfortable.

Like Carrot Top’s stand-up at the Apollo, this won’t be a very fruitful experience for many of you Spartans.

You. . . have. . . been. . . warned.

Are you ready? Because I honestly don’t care if you are. Some things need to be said, regardless of how uncomfortable it may make so-and-so or what’s-her-name.

Imus is innocent.

Now, before you all throw out those dime-a-dozen words like “racist” and “bigot,” how’s about you actually hear me out before stringing me up like a nerd on a flagpole.

I’ve never liked Imus’ radio show. I always found him a bit on the drab side, with a voice that resembled a cross between a constipated Barry White and a drunken Darth Vader.

To me, listening to Imus was the auditory equivalent of an elderly orgy-never-ending and painful in all the wrong places.

That being said, what happened to him was a complete injustice. It’s a classic example of the good ol’ racial double standard, a pathetic attempt to cover up our country’s own hypocrisy with phony political correctness.

Face it-we’re all goddamn hypocrites. Every single one of us.

We’ve all laughed at racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise derogatory jokes and comments at some point in our lives. We all harbor thoughts against those we don’t understand.

It’s not a weakness-it’s human nature.

And don’t try to pull that “well, I’d never do that” crap with me. You can wipe that lie right off your stinking hypocrite face.

We’re living in the age of cutting edge entertainment. We want to have our buttons pushed just as much as we want to push back.

Imus was fired for implying a certain stereotype that, in all fairness, he shouldn’t have said. Radio personalities have been canned for less, he should have known better, and yes he should have got in some hot water for it.

But come on!

Do we really need to turn it into this HUGE race issue, when in reality most people probably wouldn’t have noticed a damn thing had it not been plastered all of the news like a pheasant in a fender.

On one hand you have these Rutgers students who are apparently “scarred” from such an event, while on the other you have Imus’ wife calling the players “courageous.”

Freakin’ courageous!

No, I won’t have that. Storming the beaches of Normandy or Bruce Willis blowing up an asteroid to save the planet is courageous. This was an inconvenience at best.

Imus made a living giving the public what they wanted-shock and awfully lame humor. We are responsible for creating his image. We think he’s funny.

And seeing as his sense of humor is a direct reflection of our own, why do we scapegoat him as the only person in entertainment to make an offbeat suggestion about race?

So it’s OK for us to laugh at Dave Chappell’s “Nigger Family” skit or Carlos Mencia’s “Stereotype Olympics,” which are directly making racial accusations, but it’s not OK for another popular media personality to crack a much less striking joke?

Oh yeah, I used the dreaded “N” word, didn’t I? Oh my Christ I’m such a racist. See, even when racial slurs are used in context some of you still can’t deal with it.

Entertainers have beaten so many dollars out of the racial stereotype angle that it’s a wonder people still find it funny. And yet it is still one of the most interesting parts of a typical stand-up act or sitcom.

It’s nothing new-it’s a practice older than Paris Hilton’s daily crotch dusting for critters.

We need to cut out all of this hypersensitivity bull that always seems to loom its head about in the media. There are bigger and better things to worry about than a few sticks and stones.

You are not children. You will not be treated as such. Stop your freakin’ whining and get over your own hypocritical self.

You can say whatever the hell you want about me as long as I can say whatever the hell I want about you. I don’t care if you’re black, white, green, or Barney purple.

But I’m not going to pretend like I love everyone equally. If anything, I hate everyone with equal amounts of passion.

And that my friends– is equality for everyone.