Castleton Chronicles

Question: When is a good time to get your buddies together to pick up a car — literally?
“When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a handful of country music fans to dissolve their inhibitions and correct the terrible parking job done by one careless driver,” said Andrew Kiernan, a junior sports administration major at Castleton, recalling one of his favorite pranks with reminiscent eyes and an excited smile.
This past summer he, his brother Chris, and a few former Castleton students were walking into a Brad Paisley concert when they stumbled upon a cheaply “tricked out” Honda Civic with a not so tricked out parking job. You see, as Andrew matter-of-factly explained, this ’92 Civic driver thought his automobile to be so important that he deserved two spots. Being slightly inebriated and all pumped up for Paisley, these six able-bodied students took it upon themselves to put the driver back into his place -yes, figuratively and literally.
“The parking job was an ‘N’,” Kiernan explained, tracing the uppercase letter in the air. “We thought it best to put it into an ‘H’.”
Using sheer brute strength and misguided male enthusiasm, this parking lot patrolling posse lifted the Civic up into the air and rotated the automobile to complete Kiernan’s ‘H.’ The men stepped back, crossed their arms, and took in a few macho breaths.
“There were a few high fives thrown around,” brother Chris said, tipping his head in adulation. “I, being the more intelligent brother, was a bit nervous at first. But after the deed was done I enjoyed the sweet smell of success.”
The car fit the two spots with a perfect one foot clearance on either end, thus preventing the genius driver from leaving the concert until the lot was cleared.
The guys weren’t able to enjoy the fruits of their labor, but said they “would have given money” to see the look on the driver’s face as he returned.
“He probably tried to decipher whether or not he really was that drunk when he parked . or if Ashton Kutcher was going to walk up and tell him he’d been Punk’d,” Andrew said.
When asked if he regretted his actions, Andrew, laughing, shook his head no.
“But,” he said, eyebrows raised and hands in the air, “if it turns out to be someone reading the Castleton newspaper, I would like to apologize for our behavior that night and also thank him for a good time and some fond memories.”
Got an interesting story like this? Contact Laela Warnecke at and you could be in here next issue.

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