God Loves Celebrities

After almost a month of award shows back to back to back to back to, I don’t know why, as I was huffing and puffing away on the elliptical, that I was surprised to see Michael Vick in a courtroom asking a judge for custody of (get this) a dog. The that’s not the shocker.

Vick wasn’t putting his stock in the judge or the jury or even persuasion and support from what (few) fans he has left. Oh no, Mike is putting this situation in the hands of his B.F.F.- God.

THANK THE LORD! Our celebrity favorites seem to have a direct line to God. How is it that God can help these people with their number one hits, their blockbuster movies, and even getting a pet dog after spending 23 months locked up for dog fighting? This guy must be getting one hell of a cut! (Bad choice of words?)

I find it ironic that these are the same people we see hopping around with half undressed women in their music videos and using curses I didn’t even know were curses in the very songs that are paying off God. But dress ’em up and put them on a stage with a shiny little award and all of a sudden it’s “First, and foremost, I would like to thank God. and oh yeah, Mom and Dad.”

But, gee, maybe these guys aren’t so bad. Maybe that whole f-bomb dropping, drug abusing, alcohol slugging, half-dressed “artist” we see on TV is just a facade. Perhaps these people really are driving their Ferraris to church every Sunday and kneeling down in their Armani suits and talking to The Big Guy. Maybe they aren’t so bad?

And just when you’re thinking that you’re too hard on these people (I mean, it must be exhausting trying to spend all that money) you get some fool – or “jackass” according to our president – like Kanye stealing poor little Taylor Swift’s shiny award right on stage in front of the whole nation! What is she, like 12? What kind of Christian move is that?!
So good news folks. When you wake up Sunday morning with the trash can next to your bed and a splitting headache and you’re picturing your mom’s disapproving scowl about your condition and how you should be dragging your behind to Main Street and praising God (for all the money you don’t have) – fear not! Don’t even bother to get out of bed! Pop on MTV and grab a copy of US Weekly – ’cause those folks in there, those are the people that are going to hook ya up with God.

Besides. I’m pretty sure I heard Mike Vick is God’s top friend on Facebook.

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