The Rooster

I’ll go ahead and assume that every sane-minded individual tuned into the Super Bowl on Feb. 1. What in the hell would you be doing otherwise on a mundane Sunday? Beats me. Anyways, here are five things that every American should have learned on Super Sunday.1. James Harrison deserved Defensive Player of the Year. I cursed, spat, even threw small objects at my TV when I learned Harrison had won the award. My vote went to Baltimore Ravens S Ed Reed. And this is saying something. I’ve never liked Ed Reed.

I mean, he did go to.gag.Miami.

Nevertheless, Reed had an incredible year. He racked up nine interceptions in the regular season and two more, returning one for a touchdown, in the Raven’s first playoff game versus the Dolphins.

But who can deny Harrison the honor now. His 100-yard interception return for a touchdown at the end of the first half of the Super Bowl was the play of the game. It looked like Paul Bunyan had turned bald and black and decided to sport a football jersey.

I swear the TV was shaking with his every monstrous stride (hindsight tells me it was the Budweiser). I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a 250-pount linebacker run that far, and you could tell it was certainly Harrison’s first go at it.

2. Larry Fitzgerald is the best wider receiver in football. Hands down. No questions asked. He’s more nimble than Andre Johnson but bigger and stronger than Randy Moss. If you throw the ball in the relative vicinity of Fitz, he is going to come down with it.

Not to mention there isn’t a defender alive that, without the aid of a jet propulsion pack, can catch him in the open field. Hey marketing directors, looking for a great place to stick an ad? Why don’t you try the back of Fitzgerald’s helmet. After all, that’s what everyone in the world is looking at as he scurries downfield.

3. There is no Sports Illustrated cover curse. This has been on ongoing debate for years. It’s similar to the Madden curse. If you are seen on the cover of SI, bad things will happen. The NFL preview edition gave us Tom Brady as the cover shot, and he fell in Week 1. Well, SI tried to end the Steelers, but to no avail.

Steelers players adorned three of five SI covers that preceded the Super Bowl. The other two had pictures of one of Michael Vick’s old dogs (doing well now) and the Philadelphia Eagles (not cursed, just choke artists of the highest degree).

I’m not sure why SI hates Pennsylvania so much. Maybe it’s that goddamn groundhog that keeps prolonging the cold, heartless winter.

4. Bruce Springsteen is old. Too old to be sliding across the stage on his knees and humping camera lenses. Am I the only one who thought he sounded like garbage?

5. The best team won. If you bet on the Cardinals, shame on you. The Steelers are arguably the best athletic franchise in ALL of sports. Great players, great coaches, and great fans all add up to championships. Score another one for the Terrible Towel.

In honor of our old sports columnist, Matt Linden, I will be sticking with the bold prediction of the week. Thanks for passing the torch. Bold Prediction: UNC will thrash Duke tonight and take control of the ACC.

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