To my discontent, there is a sect of American society that is crippled by fear. Radical trepidation and social inflexibility are unifying characteristics of this dim-witted ultra-conservative cult. On Tuesday, Sept. 8, the reality of this situation became life-size. This was the day that President Barack Obama gave his-GASP!-“back to school” speech in Arlington, VA. How dare he penetrate the schools and corrupt the developing brains of this country’s youth? How dare he infect the children with socialist propaganda? How dare he channel ideas about healthcare reform to little Jenny and Johnny? How dare he…oh, wait a second.just saw the speech.it wasn’t that bad.

In fact, there was nothing political at all about his speech. He did tell kids to stay in school, study hard, live up to their potential and develop their talents and skills. He did tell parents, teachers and students to fulfill their responsibilities. He did say that he expects great things from the students of today. And somehow, hidden deep within this message, people saw the makings of a fascist manifesto that is slowly creeping upon the country, ready to dig in its talons and drag the entire nation into a flaming corner in the depths of hell.

Parents squawked vehemently. They cried corruption. They yanked their children from the schools as if to save their malleable brains from twisting and turning into the shape of a swastika. But why? What was there to fear, really?

Brett Curtis, an engineer from Pearland, Tex., told the New York Times that, “I don’t want our schools turned over to some socialist movement.” Oh yeah, I forgot, Obama is a Commie. Good point, Brett. We could never allow our kids to be encouraged by our (black) president to do well in school (that’s what this is about, isn’t it?). We can’t allow them to think for themselves to form opinions about political matters. If any bit of sand goes near our little pearls of children, we must clamp down!

Heck, Brett, you better pull the kids out when colleges come recruiting. Those bastards will turn your daughter into a dope-smoking hippie so fast your pea-brained head will spin. And the D.A.R.E. program, forget about it. Just trying to turn our kids into high-stepping narcs. I say keep the kids at home.

In fact, who needs school anyways? Kids are becoming a little too smart; we need to dumb them down a little. Let’s all move to Texas and transform the youth into a populace of stumbling and bumbling rednecks that chew Redman all day, hump their cousins and wear the Confederate flag as a fashion statement. Maybe one day we’ll see little Johnny all grown up, illiterate as an orange and slinging fried chicken at Popeye’s.

All because people like Brett have this country so politically polarized that we can’t look past the red and blue and agree on progress. People need to stop being scared and start being sane, or that burning corner of hell may not be so far-fetched.