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Senior Sickness

Holy crap it’s February. By the time this issue comes out it will be March. I’m screwed.

This is the second semester of my senior year, and there’s just about two months left in it.

Oh crap. I’m Screwed.

I’ve been here for four years. I still have to take those damn exams. I have to start looking at grad schools, searching for jobs, start thinking about finding my place in the world.

Who am I kidding. Finding my place in the world?!

I can’t even find my place on campus. I walked into the wrong classroom last week, and actually sat down for five minutes before thinking these people aren’t in my class what are they doing here?

That’s not even funny.

There’s still so much at Castleton for me to do, so much more that I don’t want to leave behind, so much more to learn.
I mean, I’m a senior now. I’ve had a good run here.

Right?

I’ve wined and dined with some of the higher ups on campus (the fireside staff does count as higher-ups, thank you very much), gone to house parties, gotten written up in Ellis, gotten sick off Huden food and I can remember when Paul’s had $5 pizzas. I’ve had the C-Rock experience.
So why do I feel like I could experience so much more?

Look. this campus isn’t that big. You can yell at the old chapel and people will hear you at the other end of the campus. There can’t be that much that I missed, right?
I’ve been on stage in the FAC, written in the paper, set up for graduation, helped teachers judge state-wide contests, taken safe-ride back to my house, and I even had Sex With Deb.

So why does it feel like if I was here for just one more year, just one more year, then I would really look back and say, “Man, those were some of the best years of my life.”

Maybe I’m making up these irrational thoughts in my head, maybe it’s just the nerves talking, maybe I’m just coming to face the classic “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” syndrome. Maybe I just don’t want to have to look back at the best years.

Maybe I’m hoping that they’re still ahead.
I think if you’re going to hope for anything, then it’s that. Right? CSC provided for me a great foundation, a learning experience unlike any other, and I think I can say that I’m ready to move on.
But damn it, I’m not sure if I want to.