Covid Chronicles: I’m sorry for being absent

This is the latest installment of the Covid Chronicles blog from a Castleton University Media Writing class detailing students’ experiences during the pandemic.

Dear Everyone that didn’t hear from me from March 2020 – September 2020:

I want to start this off with I hope you’re doing well and that you’ve been safe and healthy. I know I have some explaining to do. So, hear me out.
I didn’t intentionally mean to stop talking to you all at once. COVID fear got the best of me.
It made me into a different person, and as I look back now, I feel super annoyed with myself. So I understand where you’re coming from if you were or still are annoyed with me.
Isolation and the fear that came from COVID took a toll on me. I felt my safest when I was alone. I didn’t want it to be that way, but it was. I was unaware of how withdrawn I became until now.

I got to a point where I felt fear when seeing some of you. I was worried you could be sick, or I could get you sick. You probably didn’t know, but I would watch the numbers of cases and deaths go up every day. Knowing that people were losing their loved ones made me so scared to lose mine. I was hoping that I would watch the numbers start going down one day, and life could get back to normal in a blink of an eye.

I also got too comfortable being alone. I thrived when I didn’t have to leave the house. I let the break from school and work manifest into a whole different type of isolation. I then found it easier to tune out the whole world by deleting my social media apps. I couldn’t take the constant reminder of the virus and how many people were dying because of it. It was gut-wrenching. Being alone was easier and safer for me. But I was so unaware of how it would change things in the long run.

I’ve reconnected with some of you in the past couple of weeks. Getting a text back when I don’t feel like I deserved one meant a lot. I’ve learned that it is better to come together in times of crisis instead of hiding from the world. I’m sorry for the birthdays, graduations, and other important moments I missed. I was cheering you on from the safety of my home.
I’m ready to create normalcy since it is not something that can be given. So, whether it is  Facetiming, finding a safe way to hangout out, or we get matching facemasks to reestablish our friendship, I’m here.

With love,

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