Got drama? Dilemmas? Deep, dark secrets?

The Castleton Confidant is your anonymous advice guru, run by an Editor at The Spartan. Whether you need help, a fresh perspective, or just someone to vent to scan the QR code and spill it all. We’re listening.

Dear Castleton Confidant,

How do I know if this relationship is still real? I’m a senior and my boyfriend and I have been doing long-distance since we started college, he’s 900 miles away, and it feels like I’m dating a memory at this point. Our FaceTimes are getting shorter, his replies are slower, and when I go out with friends, I feel this weird guilt like I’m doing something wrong just by living my life. I’m scared to break up because we’ve been together for years, but I don’t even know who he is anymore. Am I holding on to love or just scared to be alone?

– Emotionally Maxed Out

Dear Emotionally Maxed Out,

I hate to hear that you’re feeling like this. I know personally how challenging long distance can be.

I want you to re-read your message to me. You mention feeling guilty for living your life, feeling like you’re “dating a memory,” your communication has lessened, and you don’t even recognize him anymore. If your best friend told you they were feeling like this in their relationship, how would you react?

I know how harsh this reality is and I know how hard it is to put yourself first, after putting someone else first for years. BUT! When you choose yourself, your life will improve in a million different ways. You’re a senior this year, which is just a shorter way to say that your world is getting shaken around and turned upside down. You and the world around you are constantly changing so it is natural to outgrow certain individuals and situations in your life that no longer serve you.

Breakups suck, and that’s the reality. But it gets better (I know this is the most annoying thing to hear)! Think to yourself, what’s worse; feeling stuck and “emotionally maxed out” in your relationship or facing the heartbreak head on and then rediscovering yourself and your life outside of college.

Phew. Even just writing that, a weight feels lifted off my shoulders, imagine how you’ll feel.

This is your life and you shouldn’t feel weighed down by a relationship that no longer shows you.

I also want to mention–and I’m sorry if this upsets you; but if you’re feeling this way, I would put money on the fact he is feeling the same. It is obvious when a person isn’t happy. When someone so close to you feels upset and unsatisfied, it’s natural to feel the same.

Relationships are rocky and sometimes you work through them and sometimes it’s time to put it to an end.

I know that you know what to do.

I wish you the best, Emotionally Maxed Out. And I wish a bottle of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerrys shows up at your doorstep.

-The Castleton Confidant