That’s That!

Hello Castleton! And welcome to another exciting, action-packed installment of That’s That – your source for what’s what. You know boys and girls, spring is in the air – everywhere I look around. Birds are returning north, flowers are beginning to bloom, and hormones are preparing to rage. That’s right – it’s dating season. Are you ready? Because once the sun decides to be our friend again, we get right back into Fudd mode. That’s right-Fudd mode.

What is Fudd mode? It should be self-explanatory, but for those of you new to the game, I’ll fill you in. Fudd mode, named for the legendary rival of Bugs Bunny, is when a person starts to jones for another person.

Once they’ve targeted a person, what do they do? They hunt them. Traditionally, it has been males doing the hunting, but we now live in a progressive world. So the ladies have taken on more of an aggressive role in this process. What a world, eh Castleton? But we’re missing something.

Friends, whatever happened to the art of romance? Whatever happened to dating? Whatever happened to turning a target into a person by getting to know them? Our society is an impatient one. It’s safe to say that the general consensus of our society is that we want results, and we want them now. So the middle man is the victim of our society’s haste. Trust me, trust me, trust me Castleton – dating is not a bad idea.

Think about it. If you get to know a person before signing your name on that dotted line of commitment, you can and probably will avoid regret. You’ll be able to pick out those things that would ultimately destroy the relationship anyway, sooner than later.

And it makes “that” much more enjoyable. Scientific fact: Anticipation can increase sexual pleasure up to 65%. Okay, so I made that up. But if Dr. Dude Ph. D. said it, you’d all believe it. So just pretend Doc Dude said it and you’re all set.

Otherwise, you’ll be forced to listen to some awful magazine advice that tells you exactly what you need to succeed, if you were shooting a porno. The game is a lot more complicated than sexual positions — I think.

First you must learn about their interests. Everything and anything would be your best bet. I mean, come on, who doesn’t like it when someone remembers something about them. It shows your interest in the person, and not the body.

Next, there is the showcase. The showcase should be an opportunity for you to put your best qualities on display. For example: if you are a great communicator, you must find a way to have your interest watch you in action, like at a party.

And finally, you must, have the subtle art of eye contact down. Everything sounds more important with eye contact. And over time, you should always check in with yourself. “Do I still like this person? If so, why?” It is possible to lose interest in someone.

Listen, Castleton, all I’m saying is that you could and possibly should take it slow. I’m not a public service announcement. I’m one of you, so you know I’m looking out for you. You don’t have to feel like a prude because of it. Take some time, learn who your partner is, and then close the deal. So ladies and gentlemen, that’s that for this week. Tune in next time-same That’s That time, same That’s That channel. And one more thing – if you see Doc Dude, don’t be afraid to say hi. And that my friends, is that.

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