I knew it was too good to be true.Those first few weeks back at school were all laid back, relaxing and easy. I felt as if maybe, just maybe, this semester was going to be smooth sailing.

Guess not.

I’m not complaining; I need to be busy. I felt horrible with myself the beginning of this school year. I didn’t feel as if I was doing enough. My roommate was running around with two jobs, a ton of classes and so much on her plate. It made me feel pretty lazy to be quite honest.

Besides the fact I don’t have two jobs, or any job yet, now I feel the pressure.

I know I have to get a lot of stuff done, but so far the fact that school is in session hardcore just sunk in. From now on I am cracking down on myself. I’ll make myself a bunch of extensive lists and get everything done.

Hopefully.

See I make lists. A lot of lists. If there is no list, there is no remembering. And there’s never just one list. I make multiple lists for the same thing.

I either A) lose the first list, B) feel as if I make another one I’ll get things done faster, or C) I add things and I have to make a new one rather than adding on to the old one.

Currently I have about four lists that state the same facts.

AKA, get my work done!

Writing this is actually on my list. One more item to check off.

Oh, I promised you all on a jeans update. I found my fantastic jeans in my drawer. Of all places right?

To make myself sound a little smarter than that sounded, they were in my pajama drawer, so how was I to know of their location?

In light of recent events, I just want to tell everyone.

I’m freaking out.

I do not feel safe at all. The fact that the cops have been to our campus multiple times a day in these last four weeks of school is wigging me, and everyone else around me out.

Obviously bad situations at any school are going to happen. This feels extreme. I don’t know what it is about this year. There were incidents last year, yet nothing that seemed to really creep out the entire campus. The casual feel of Castleton is fading away. Now I hear students whispering about assaults and see the familiar search lights of cops surveying the grounds.

We are in rural Vermont. We should NOT be used to seeing cops outside our dorm buildings. I guess no one ever thinks anything really terrible can happen at a college so small. You hear about this kind of stuff on the news happening to big schools in cities.

I am even scared to walk outside at night to go visit a friend in a different building alone. Until all of this dies down, I’m not walking alone at night. Even walking to classes by myself in the daytime doesn’t seem safe.

I guess what I’m trying to get it, is be careful. There is a lot going on with working on safety at the school and what to do to protect yourself from getting into harmful positions. Be smart about every move you make.

How do I come back from that? I don’t really think I have anything else to say.

Two weeks until October break.

I’m not even joking about it this time.