Every time I watch the news, or turn on an emotional show such as Law and Order SVU, I get scared of stepping out of my room.The world is so messed up, how did we get this way?

Rapists, murderers, pedophiles, crazies. They are among us. We are them, or could be them . What causes a person to commit such heineous crimes?

It doesn’t just happen. Most of the time, horrible behavior is blamed on family history or bad experiences. Where did the bad behavior come from? It all started somewhere of course, or this truly is the nature of man.

What does this have to do with me you ask? And why do you care?
I can’t even walk alone at night back to my dorm without having a panic attack. I lose my breath and tighten my chest. I practically run like an idiot while hyperventilating.

I hate being paranoid. No one wants to stay inside forever, but hey it’s safe.
I know we have campus security, yet we also have police officers and do they always protect us? It isn’t possible to keep everyone safe. Yet there is this idealized society we pretend to have in which our country isn’t screwed up.

Bull.

Anything can happen at any moment. Rape can happen to you, murder can happen to your friends. So why do so many people live in a fantasy world?

I should learn to protect myself. I hear from all my friends that I could probably kick anyone’s ass who tried to come after me. Somehow I don’t believe it. Even if I was a black belt in karate I wouldn’t feel safe.

I’ll never feel safe.

Maybe TV shows are too true to real life. What ever happened to Leave it to Beaver and Little House on the Prairie? Or kids shows like Boy Meets World, which talked about stupid adolesent problems like not being asked to a dance by the person you have a crush on?

Instead we get teen shows such as Degrassi, in which teenage girls are pregnant, students get stabbed and are diagnosed with STDs. Criminal dramas depict murder and rape investigations. Is it human nature to want to watch the waste of our society? Sure there is great entertainment value, but sometimes it hits way too close to home.

Fantasy and false reality are much more appealing to me. I admit I indulge in drama shows, though every time I watch them I hurt a little. This stuff actually happens.

I don’t know what made me think of this, or why I decided it would be a good topic for a column. But I’m beginning to realize the fantasy world I put myself in when I was younger is definitely not the one I’m going into.

There are too many tough decisions, too many obstacles. And when you think of the bad in the world, you wonder why the hell you even bother to try to succeed in it.

This rat race isn’t worth the trouble, yet we run on our little wheels all day trying to get somewhere.