Spite is a powerful tool. The majority of the time, if I do anything, it is out of spite. Tell me I cannot do something and bam, I will do it just to watch you suffer.

I got into standup comedy after someone once told me I wasn’t funny. I then performed a show with that person in the audience.

And I had the pleasure of watching them look uncomfortable while I made everyone around them laugh.

In fact, the reason why I am applying to grad school is out of spite. I know this person who, throughout my entire life, has always said I am unworthy, a failure, and a complete piece of shit.

Ever since I have known this guy, he has done nothing but bring me down and try to hurt me. He has been there for every bump in the road and told me it is what I deserve.

When I applied to college this time around, he said to me, “You are just going to fail out of school like you did the first time.”

This moment stuck with me.

I knew that I was a different person than I was 20 years ago. Hell, they say that every seven years, all your cells are completely replaced by new cells, which means that I was a new person twice over and then some.

But those words still stuck with me, pushing me not to make the same mistakes I did.

Now that I am graduating, presumably, and applying to grad schools, this jackass has resurfaced in my life to tell me I am going to fail. And it’s because of him that I will not.

I will not let this cretin ruin what should be an achievement that I have been striving to complete for what feels like an eternity.

I am going to get into graduate school. So that I can rub his nose in it, much like the Timbuk 3 song, “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades.”

I wish I could get rid of this asshole. I have tried. But it is impossible; he is not going anywhere. Mainly because I look at him every time I look in the mirror.

Yes, I am the bastard that brings me down.

I am the one who tells myself I am not worth it. And it is this doubt and fear that keeps me going. I am not giving up on myself out of spite for myself. I know that I am my own worst enemy, but I’m not going to let that voice in the dark recesses of my head win.

I am going to succeed just to prove myself wrong.