First and foremost, I am a non-traditional student. I am 43 years old, and my back hurts constantly. 

When I get up in the morning, the only snap, crackle, and pop I hear is from my joints moving after an unrestful night’s sleep.  

I am about as eloquent as a drunken monkey banging on a typewriter, hoping for its chance to write a sonnet by Shakespeare. 

I drink too much coffee. Not because I like the taste but because I am addicted to caffeine. I guess the first thing is to admit that you have a problem. Not that I will change this problem, but it feels good to expose it to air.  

My hearing is awful. 

This comes from years of loud rock and roll music. I use it for my benefit when someone I dislike is trying to talk to me, and I can ignore them since I can say that I didn’t hear them.  

The downside is that I ignore people I do like since I cannot hear them.  

And as a public service announcement: Please, for the love of everything holy- speak up when you are talking in class. It is mind-blowingly frustrating to say “huh?” when I try to hear what is coming from your mouth.  

I hate traffic, especially when people speed by me when I am already breaking the law by exceeding the speed limit. 

It’s even worse when the weather is inclement. Seriously, I know that everyone has their reasons, but it is careless. I got things to do. I do not want to slow down because you decided your next stop was in a ditch on the side of Route 4. 

Not that I am going to stop. 

I’ll putter by tooting my horn and a hardy one-finger salute as I roll by.  

Finally, you can acknowledge me when I look you in the eyes and wave. 

Even if you do not know me, there’s a common curiosity that should be understood. Although I look like someone who will ask you for spare change or a cigarette, I will not. 

At least not on campus. 

If I see you around downtown Rutland, all bets are off. 

This is the biggest frustration that I have walking around campus. I notice you looking at me like I am some rejected script idea for the Ghost of Christmas Future. Please understand that I am the model of your current poor life choices, but I am not a leper; I am just middle-aged. 

Some people even call me pleasant to talk to. 

Although I disagree with this, it’s nice to hear it every once in a while.  

Thank you for reading this, and I hope you will continue to read my column. That way, Professor Blow will continue to let me rant on the inane thoughts that float around my head. Seriously, it’s like a lazy river tube ride of bad ideas.