Sex and the Spartan

“Faking it”

My freshman year I sat on the couch, watched television, and listened to my suitemate having sex. I heard a “yes!yes!yes!” then a high-pitched “ohmygod.” I sat and began to wonder “Damn, why can’t I have sex like THAT?”

This got me thinking. Maybe my flings haven’t been that good. Maybe they actually communicate with one another. So, I asked her. Turns out, the sex wasn’t all that good after all.

My suitemate told the biggest and most used lie of sex: she faked it.  

CBS reports that roughly 80 percent of women are guilty of faking an orgasm. Why can’t men, who experience an orgasm 95 percent of the time, use the larger of their two heads and realize what they’re doing just isn’t cutting it?

So I asked three men at Castleton to share their experiences. Two of them gave me exactly what I expected… “I don’t know because it’s never happened to me.”

But in fact, it has. I’ve slept with both of them and faked it.

Only one of them was more rational.

“When it’s real it contracts every second and eyes don’t lie,” he said.

Turns out, he was right. During orgasm, breathing and heart rate increases. They have uncontrollablefacial features. Their pupils dilate and for women, vaginal and cervical cont tractions occur for roughly 3-10 seconds.

So why do women fake it?

Most of the time it’s because we’re too afraid to tell our partners what they’re doing just isn’t working. Some guys take pride in marathon endurance, but can you say chafing? Sometimes we’re thinking about the 20-page paper we have due and hell would freeze over before we could relax enough to cum. “Ohmygod” is a way to speed sex up. When we realize we’re not going to climax, sometimes we just want it to be over.

I’ve faked it, but in the end, it only hurts my sex life. Humans are creatures of habit. If a guy thinks what he did last time was enough to get you off, he’ll do it again because in his mind it worked. He won’t try harder to give you one if he thinks it’s already been done.

My conclusion?

It’s better to be honest with your partner and have enough trust to openly communicate that your va- jay- jay is unhappy. If you’re in pain or uncomfortable, say it because sending messages that you’re feeling pleasure is misleading. If you’re stressed about your paper, tell your booty-call to text you tomorrow because you’re too busy. If you’re going to make the time to do it, don’t you want to get what you give?

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