In the past few weeks, we’ve had the Winter Olympics, the Super Bowl, and still no progress made toward an MLB season. I’m going to try my best to explain what the hell happened.

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Kicking off this segment, Matthew Stafford finally won a Super Bowl after 12 years in Detroit. Needless to say, Stafford celebrated pretty hard. 

During the Rams’ parade, Stafford wasn’t just drunk, the guy was absolutely obliterated. 

Getting drunk isn’t going to be enough to end up here, but what happened next is enough. 

A photographer came up on stage to take pictures of Stafford and his wife, but the photographer wasn’t on stage too long.

She totally fell off the stage! 

Stafford quite literally watched it, turned around, and started walking away.

The photographer fractured her spine, and Stafford paid for her medical bills, but the incident wasn’t a good look for him. 

Matthew Stafford, what the hell happened?

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Let’s turn it over to the Olympics. Specifically, the men’s halfpipe.

Japan’s high-flying Ayumu Hirano treated us to a triple cork 1440, a trick that had never been done in the Olympics until now. 

However, it didn’t amount to much as he fell during the run.

Hirano’s next run was nothing short of amazing. He not only landed the triple cork again, but he polished off what was possibly the greatest halfpipe run ever. 

The run was given a 91.75, which was only good enough for second place at the time.

The commentator went ballistic over the score, calling it “a travesty,” as the run was as close to perfect as it could’ve been. 

Replays and slo-mos of the run continued for the rest of the event as social media blew up, and I don’t blame them.

Hirano’s final run somehow went even crazier, earning a 96 and the gold medal along with it, but it doesn’t change the fact that such a beautiful and incredible run got dusted off as a second-place run.

Snowboarding judges, what the hell happened?

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After winning gold in the women’s halfpipe, American snowboarder Chloe Kim had other things on her mind.

During a press conference after competing, she answered a reporter’s question, and followed it up by asking if anyone had food.

“I’m starving. It’s lunchtime,” she said.

Me too, Chloe. I feel you.

Numerous media personnel forked over any snacks they had with them, leaving her bombarded with goodies.

That’s one of the takeaways I had from this round of Olympic games. A lot of the athletes were more themselves and got to flex their personalities.

I’m into that stuff. I thought it was fun.

But come on. You just won gold, and your minds on food? 

Chloe Kim, what the hell happened? 

Although, I do respect that you owned it.

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I genuinely feel bad for the biggest loser this time.

Finnish cross-country skier Remi Lindholm endured the one injury that a man never wants to experience. 

The men’s 50km race had some issues before it even started, as weather conditions forced it down to 30km, but even that couldn’t save Lindholm.

The winds were so intense and cold that Lindholm suffered a literal frozen penis. 

Just thinking about it makes me cringe, and writing that sentence was very difficult.

Lindholm spent about an hour and 15 minutes in temperatures around 1° Fahrenheit.

After the race, Lindholm was given heat packs to help treat his injuries.

I don’t even know who to fault for this one…

Nature?

Ouch. What the hell happened?