Sitting down to write this is, honestly, really hard. I don’t know where to start or how to organize all of the thoughts and feelings I’ve been dealing with the past couple days.
Mostly, I’ve felt sad.
Sad for those eight people whose lives were ended, sad for their friends and families, sad for the entire Asian community that I know is feeling scared right now.
But I’m also incredibly angry.
I’m angry because another white man committed another violent crime, an act of terrorism, and it’s been described by cops as a “bad day” for him, for the person who murdered eight people. I’m angry because the same cop who made this statement ordered t-shirts that say “COVID-19 imported virus from Chy-na” on them.
I’m angry because this has been blamed on the perpetrator’s sex addiction, when one of the workers at Gold Spa said that he yelled that he was going to “kill all Asians,” something that hasn’t been reported by many English language news outlets.
I had to read a translated version of a Korean article to see this.
I’m angry because this is only one of 3,800 hate crimes against Asian people reported in this past year alone, most of which were committed against Asian women.
I’m angry that six of the eight people killed were Asian women, and that this still may not be categorized as a hate crime.
I’m angry because these kinds of things have happened to Black, Indigenous, and people of color for decades, and the white people who are committing these acts are still treated better by law enforcement and media than the people of color who are victims in these situations.
And truthfully, on top of all this, I’m scared.
I’m scared for the entire Asian community, scared for all BIPOC, and scared for myself too.
It’s gotten to a point where I’m not sure what to expect from anyone. I’m scared to feel too safe and too comfortable here.
Scared to let my guard down.
For so long, being Asian has made me feel invisible in a way. Asian Americans barely see themselves represented in media of any kind. Asian people are considered by some to not be people of color because of their supposed proximity to whiteness, but are also never considered white. Racism against Asian people has become so commonplace because of this that it’s rare that it’s taken seriously.
I hope that this incident won’t be something that’s just swept under the rug like so many other. I hope the stories of these people impacted will be made visible.
To Delaina Ashley Yaun, Paul Andre Michels, Xiaojie Tan, Daoyou Feng, Julie Park, Hyeon Jeong Park, and the two unknown victims, rest in peace.