Drawing by Cameron Rossi-Crete/ Castleton Spartan 

Trembling fingers, staggered breathing, tears pooling in eyes.

Lungs and throat feeling as though they are closing, hyperventilating, nausea.

Anxiety attacks come and go at random times.

Running from anyone near you to seclude yourself in a dorm where you can let the pooling tears fall. You let your knees buckle and you’re on the ground. There’s something comfortable about lying in the fetal position as your carpet soaks up your tears like a sponge.

Living with anxiety is harder than some think. They think that it’s a front that people use to claim sympathy cards but it’s not.

You live a life of overthinking and wondering what others might be thinking of you. What about the homework you haven’t done yet? Oh, and don’t forget that huge paper you have coming that’s due soon.

Your brain runs like a cheetah chasing its prey. Or you can look at it like the cheetah is your anxiety running after you.

I’ve found myself countless times in the awkward situation of having to excuse myself in a hurry so I can make it to my dorm in time to let the emotion run its course. That is of course until the 25mg of Hydroxyzine makes its way to my brain.

The time spent being alone and waiting for the Hydroxyzine, an anti-anxiety medication, to hit your system is the most emotionally and mentally draining part. It’s a countdown for the moment your brain stops feeling like a washing machines spin cycle.

But the drugs don’t always work. That is truly the scary part.

Sometimes you find yourself having thoughts still spinning, but your body is numb. Think of it as you just worked out. Your body is exhausted and all you want to do is lie down. But even if you lie down, your thoughts are still clear as day.

Or another example would be like a scene in a horror movie. It’s when a person had been drugged so they can’t feel their body, but they can still hear, see, and think.

I’ve only had a handful of experiences like this, but they still rank at the top of my list as some of the scariest moments of my existence.

While waiting for the drugs to hit, all you can do is wait. Granted, you can do breathing exercises, but that’s easier said than done. That’s what I like to call the 5 to 10 method. You spend five seconds breathing in and 10 seconds breathing out.

Or another example would be like a scene in a horror movie. It’s when a person had been drugged so they can’t feel their body, but they can still hear, see, and think.

I’ve only had a handful of experiences like this, but they still rank at the top of my list as some of the scariest moments of my existence.

While waiting for the drugs to hit, all you can do is wait. Granted, you can do breathing exercises, but that’s easier said than done. There’s what I like to call the 5 to 10 method. You spend five seconds breathing in and 10 seconds breathing out.

If breathing isn’t your go-to fix, I find feeling your pulse helpful.

Find your pulse on your wrist with your thumb and drum the pulse you want on the back of your wrist with your index finger. It gives you something to focus on.

Finding something to focus on is a saving grace for myself. It delays the thoughts like how much homework I have, or minor homesickness, or just a switch that’s been hit that makes your world come crashing down.

Anxiety is something that is controllable at times. Sometimes you get lucky and you get through whatever it is that’s bothering you, but other times that’s not the case. Sometimes you have to just let the tears run their course, sob until you run out of tears, or scream out of aggravation.

But sometimes you may need more than just yourself. Getting help to control your anxiety is normal and beyond helpful. No human has to fight the battle alone. There are plenty of people on this campus willing to help and would love nothing more than to help you.

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness, advocating for yourself is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself.

College can be hard at times. You can get stressed from life in general.

But the most important thing to remember is you are more than your mental illness and you are worth it.