The world is big, no one can argue that. But everyone is familiar with six degrees of separation. This idea is that you are only six steps away, by way of introduction, from another individual. You know, a friend of a friend? If you think about it this way, the world becomes smaller.
And it becomes even smaller at Castleton. At any college as interconnected as we are, you share a lot with other people: showers, rooms, and the people you’ve hooked up with.
So, does it break “girl/guy code” to hook up with partners from your friends past?
My mother once told me, “You can’t be mad at your friends for wanting your ex. That’s like taking a bite of the cupcake, then deciding you’re full and don’t want the other half. You can’t just leave a good looking cupcake lying around and expect that no one wants to eat it.”
My mother was a smart woman.
It wasn’t until my junior year I realized how smart she truly was. I had been seeing someone we’ll call “the situation.” Fall semester came and went and both of us moved onto other trysts. It was fun while it lasted and “the situation” and I still enjoyed casual late night romps after the Dogg. The one day I got a text from my best friend.
“The situation just asked if I wanted to hang out.”
I felt the heat rise up in my neck only got hotter after she told me they exchanged numbers. After some choice words that are too inappropriate to share, I got a response that made me question my reaction.
“You know, it doesn’t feel good that your sloppy seconds come to me after you throw them away. It doesn’t feel good being second best to you all the time.”
My friend was obviously dealing with some insecurity at this time. My point is; if you don’t want your friends hooking up with someone from your past because you still care, tell them. My best friend thought I was over it because the situation and I weren’t as involved as we once were.
Very few guys from my past are off limits and my friends would know because I still talk about them. As far as everyday acquaintances, I couldn’t be mad at them for hooking up with my ex’s because they don’t know it would hurt my feelings. Not all overlap experiences I’ve had caused drama. Some gave way to the camaraderie of a common experience and a few good laughs.
If you aren’t ok with your friends jumping in bed with an ex, say something. You can’t hold someone accountable for hurting your feelings if they are unaware they did to begin with. If you want to see what it’s like to roll around in the sheets with a friend’s ex, just ask. It may sound silly to ask permission to have sex with someone, but it could avoid problems in the long run.
It’s also smart to ask yourself; is the possibility of having an orgasm (because women know it doesn’t always happen) worth possibly losing a friend over?
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