FAC pumpkins keep disappearing

During Homecoming weekend, the Fine Arts Center endured a struggle between trying to look festive, and unfortunately, robbery.

Oliver Schemm, chair of the art department, thought pumpkins would make the FAC look festive.

“The orange would pop and make it kind of interesting,” he said.

Little did Schemm know, the pumpkins would be too much of a hit. They would disappear.

“About a month ago, I put out six pumpkins in total and spaced them along the wall,” Schemm said. “The next day, there were only four. So, I added two more. Three days after that, three were gone.”

Schemm decided that something needed to happen in order to stop these disappearances of pumpkins. He discussed his findings with Ashley Haggerty and a work study student. Together, they determined that in order to stop this strange departure of pumpkins, some type of substance must be put on the outside layer so that people wouldn’t pick it up.

The first idea that came to Schemm’s mind was feces. Unfortunately, that idea wasn’t too popular between the other two people he spoke with. The next idea, the most popular one, was coating the outside of the pumpkin in vaseline.

“We figured it would be deterrent. You know anyone picking up the pumpkin would be like ‘haha now I have a free pumpkin,’ but it would be covered with Vaseline, which is kind of gross,” Schemm said.

During the course of Homecoming Weekend, three of the pumpkins vanished and three of the pumpkins were smashed on the ground outside of the FAC.

Schemm believes the people who stole them must not have minded having their hands covered in Vaseline. His hypothesis for the smashed pumpkins was that when people grabbed the pumpkins, in their dismay, they realized the pumpkins were greased with Vaseline and smashed them on the ground.

But even after the continuous battle that Schemm keeps losing, he has decided to not give up. Rather, he will strategize.

“What I plan to do is get more pumpkins because I’m not going to be dissuaded by these Halloween vandals. I am going to get more and take them in during the evening and protect them in the arms of the Fine Arts Center,” Schemm said, giving a smirk.

Schemm believes that this will work but if it doesn’t, he will have to seriously rethink his methods. But Schemm will not give in. He is determined to come out on top.

“I’m not going to let these rapscallions take away the fun and festivities of Halloween just because of their pumpkin greediness,” Schemm said, with a determined look.

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