Fix your funk

So, I was sitting in class the other day thinking about what I should write for this week’s column, and then it hit me. Literally. It was pungent, it was repulsive, and it had me thinking, “good God” someone please open a window. So, this week’s topic is none other than hygiene my dudes.

Before deciding to hit full send on this column I asked one of my advisors if it was a good idea and his response was affirmatory. Which means if you guys have some funk going on it doesn’t go unnoticed by your professors.

Now I know that there are some people who may not have access to resources that may be needed for proper hygiene. This is not directed at you. This is directed at those who are just too lazy to do these things.

To start off, make sure you guys are brushing your teeth. I wish I could count the amount of times someone has been talking to me and I was hit with their funk breath on one hand, but I can’t. There is nothing worse than talking to someone and having to fight off making a face in response to their nasty breath. If I can see plaque on your teeth, it’s over. Conversation done.

If you are wearing flip flops, or God forbid crocs, and I can see your feet, they better be clean. I have seen many a filthy foot and I would be lying if I didn’t say I threw up in my mouth a little. It takes two seconds to wash your feet in the shower. To put it in simplest terms: a little soap plus a little water equals clean feet.

Next, and I cannot emphasize this enough, wash your hands. Every time you use the bathroom wash your hands. Every time you eat wash your hands. I have observed students on campus use the bathroom, and not wash their hands, touch door handles and I am left contemplating what to do, because there is no way I will touch that after knowing where your hands have been. I’d sooner climb out the window than have to touch that filth fest.

Most importantly, you need to shower. If your hair is greasy and chunky, I can tell you didn’t shower. When I can start to smell you from across the room, it’s time someone intervenes. I really shouldn’t have to say this because you are all adults, but I digress. I truly can’t fathom going into public without taking proper care of myself, so to see handfuls of students do it regularly blows my mind.

It is especially important now that you properly clean yourself, because it’s starting to cool down and flu season is right around the corner. I will never forget my freshman year when norovirus was going around and a majority of the campus was sick. During one of the rehearsals for the musical at the time, people were doing their scenes onstage then throwing up once they got off. All of that could have been prevented if students properly took care of themselves and had good hygiene.

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