Watch your language

Don’t hate. Grammarians are people too. Yes, we properly place commas into text messages, “lol”. By golly, we may even throw in a “whom” here and there. And yet, no one truly understands the deeply troubled lives we live. Most new reads come with sigh-worthy woes.

Normal civilians walk in to Huden with eager and empty stomachs. Mine turns when I read the sign warning, “Your low on points, add some more!”

I whittle away in The Writing Clinic, wondering what is happening to our language. Will our generation be the death of proper English? Mention “run-on” to a freshman, and he’ll think he’s being dismissed.

I can’t take it personally, though. I can only shake my head and remember the mistakes are not deliberate.

But what if they are? It appears the new trend in language is screwing with it—”foibling for foible’s sake,” we’ll call it.

Apple has been telling the world to “think different” for years; other major companies are following suit. Office Depot claims to be “A new way to office.” And who “Got Milk?” I see no subject there…

The point? It’s a new way to language. Typos and oddities catch the I. Happily, the dangling modifier is used by stylish scriveners. Fragments? Yes! It’s hip to verb a noun and put the MOST important ideas in CAPS. or, if i want to sound cute and innocent, i don’t use capitals at all. Do you trust me now? I’m credentializing myself. Oh yeah, that 2. Dictionarying news words. I like to Webster. Creative and fun. Sometimes, even the passive voice is used for effect. Who’s speaking now? Twisting you I am. Have I broken any rules?

This phenomenon leaves me and Microsoft Word in a blender. Yes, blender. Like the software, I’m all torn-up and sloshed around; I’m left throwing figurative green squiggles everywhere I turn. Rules are rules. Are they not?

But what’s harder?

Simple sentences are easy. It’s the long and complex ones, the ones that twist and turn with commas and dashes and mounds of adjectives building upon each other one by one, that daunt students, the ones trying to learn the rules, and make them wonder what’s wrong and what’s right, because they know what seems right, and teachers know that they know that teachers know what’s right, and all this leads me to wonder who’s right.

Well, I’ll leave you with that; run-on.


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