This is the latest installment of the Covid Chronicles blog from a Castleton University Media Writing class detailing students’ experiences during the pandemic.
A feeling I know all too well.
I like to think of myself as a relatively normal mood kinda dude. I laugh at too many unfunny things, and I have a fair amount of interests.
But one of those things is music. Loud music. Heavy music.
Loud and heavy music.
Growing up, I was subjected to a lot of Lithium, which is ‘90s hard rock and grunge. Fifth grade was Three Days Grace, which is angry punkness, but nothing that crazy. Then somehow I got to Korn and Five Finger Death Punch a few years later, to which I still cannot make sense of. That eventually evolved into my favorite band Soundgarden, and then to what it is now.
What is it now? More Heaviness, featuring bands like Tool and Pantera. These bands in particular have great songs like Prison Sex, Piss, Good Friend and a Bottle of Pills, and even one titled Jerk-off.
So uh, yeah.
This deep love for heavy also evolved into just about the darkest wardrobe selection I could ever strive for, as it seems that these bands exclusively produce black shirts.
The heaviness has also contributed a great deal to my mood, as typical music is too bland and upbeat for me now. Blaring songs like Piss on repeat during quarantine not only has begun to destroy my near perfect hearing, but my complete view on everything around me.
I’ve experienced three of the five total angriest moments of my life just in the last seven months. Whether it was shouting so much my voice was gone for the concurrent days or a lot of pillow punching, rage is all too familiar in my life.
During a lot of my time home, I viewed the world with anger. But never that feeling of empathy I probably should have.
I ended two friendships over the summer. Due to the added time alone with myself, I developed the sense of being finished with people’s bullshit. These two past friends truly got on my final nerves, and I’ve moved on.
But the insurmountable feelings of rage have mostly disappeared now, but lord do I still get mad every now and then.
Moral of the story, heavy music is probably contributing to your constant anger and very different world view, but you shouldn’t try to change it.
Why? Because it’s goddamn electric.